glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
