She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
