Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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