WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
