On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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