dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
