Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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