There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
