I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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