Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
