Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
