You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
