Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
