I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
