Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
