OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
