I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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