when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
