dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
