Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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