I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
