I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
