And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Come on in and take your pants off
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