What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
