She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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