her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
