Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
