I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
