Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
