that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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