I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
