i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
