We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I supernannyed him into submission
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
