They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
