hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
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I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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