This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
