He uses pillows to masturbate.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
