I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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