im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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