a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
