So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
