onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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