Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
