p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
