I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
