That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
its not stalking. its research.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
