I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
