I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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