I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
