mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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