Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I love you.
Bad choice
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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