She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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