Ketchup is God's man juice
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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