ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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