And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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