i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
