I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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