i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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