Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
