she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
