i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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