She's JV to your varsity
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
