Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
