the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
