It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
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That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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