are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
